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Then they'd haul the cage back in, with its catch of miners
dredged from the mountain's cavity. Even their eyeballs were black,
see - they'd look like buried men dug back from coal hells
to return in silence to villages of wives and children.


Smoking kills say the scattered packets of Lambert.
But, we live squeezed between hollowed monoliths, lurking
along roads clogged by town after town. If this
air that tastes of roof tiles doesn't kill us;
if this damp, that keeps us damp until
the rain returns, doesn't kill us;
if the pressure of each person's personal slag heap
weighted with history doesn't crush us
then we'll risk a cigarette more
then laugh harshly at nothing
then risk another.

You always knew a miner's age by his spit:
how it stunk of the pit, and stuck to any surface like a scorch.
The colliery path was black with it. It seemed a miner's lungs
were just inexhaustible seams of dust that he heaved around his neck.


The sun never makes it past the mountain ridges into the vein
we've scratched out, down below the light. This valley is a varicose scar
of terraced housing, dwarfed by rock and heritage.
If this shadow-mine hasn't hidden us completely
then we've buried ourselves
in the catacombs of coal around us, leaving only bodies
to spit at emptied bottles. If the world
is fresh and bright above us
then first we smoke another cigarette
then we lose the breath to climb
then we lack the strength to crawl.
:icon007-bewareofthesnowm:

Author's Comments

great, another rush job. this one for the armchair travel comp

Daily Deviation

Given 2009-05-31

Second-hand Smoke by ~007-bewareofthesnowm is a memorable piece filled with crisp, stark metaphors. (Suggested by `AbCat and Featured by ^fllnthblnk)

Comments


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:iconangelofgod87:
yikes... I've heard a coalminer's job was hard but... :O_o:

TTFN
Me
:)

--
--
"I learned a long time ago that one note can go a long way if it's the right one, and it will probably whip the guy with 20 notes." ~ Les Paul
--
1 Timothy 4: 12
:iconbewareofthesnowman:
heh, yes. it was horrible

--
Hiss, shout, kick my teeth in, so what? I shall still tell you that you are half-wits. In three months my friends and I will be selling you our pictures for a few francs
- Manifeste cannibale dada
:iconangelofgod87:
heh... wait a moment... you worked in a coal mine?

TTFN
Me
:)

--
--
"I learned a long time ago that one note can go a long way if it's the right one, and it will probably whip the guy with 20 notes." ~ Les Paul
--
1 Timothy 4: 12
:iconbewareofthesnowman:
nope. just going on eye-witness testimonies

--
Hiss, shout, kick my teeth in, so what? I shall still tell you that you are half-wits. In three months my friends and I will be selling you our pictures for a few francs
- Manifeste cannibale dada
:iconangelofgod87:
Ah... still its an impressive poem
you write well :)

TTFN
Me
:)

--
--
"I learned a long time ago that one note can go a long way if it's the right one, and it will probably whip the guy with 20 notes." ~ Les Paul
--
1 Timothy 4: 12
:iconsalshep:
Thankyou for entering the Armchair travel competition.

Dan, this is marvellous. I loved the italicised strophes especially, and the contrast to the bleaker language used int the others. It's hard to say this was enjoyable, because it is so very evocative of an unhappy place, but what I did enjoy was the artistry in this, the understanding gained.

Well done. :)

--
unknown command error: sleep
:icon007-bloodyalaizabel:
"then first we smoke another cigarette
then we lose the breath to climb
then we lack the strength to crawl." - Wow.

It has such an air of sadness to it, coated with sarcasm. I love it. Beautifully written.

--
Before you point fingers, make sure your hands are clean.

Love and be loved,
BloodyAlaizabel

The Myspace
:icon007-j-jammer:
I like the "doesn't kill us" parts. Creative and it has great flow. I like the word choices because they make it interesting and rhythmic.

It is clouded in sad and satirical thoughts.

Good job:D

--
You always find things you didn't know you were going to say, and that is the adventure of writing.-John Updike
My writings oft displease you: what's the matter?
You love not to hear truth, nor I to flatter.
-Sir J. Harington
:icontmpst24myst:
for a rush job, this is pretty damn good. i have no critique to offer.. but i will say that it hit close to home. i don't know why, however it did.

--
00:37:09 <GunShyMartyr> Why is ~mypenis a seniorpoet?
02:04:14 ** death has left [connection closed]

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January 25, 2008
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